If you were to tell me back in February 2020, that I would be 4 months pregnant in February 2021, I would have looked at you in disbelief. Right before the world shut down, I began a mensural cycle that would last over 40 days. I would have told you "I'm sorry, but don't you know I'm broken?" How can one possibly get pregnant when my body won't stop bleeding?
I considered the causes of this unique predicament, looked up remedies on how to destress and hoped my body would return to normal function. There were moments I was reminded about the woman with the issue of blood, found in Mark 5. She suffered and even the doctors treatments were unable to help her, but her issue lasted 12 years! If God could bring her through that, I knew He would bring me through this. Thankfully it didn't last more than 2 months!
The world shut down in March 2019, but of course we continued to pray. My beloved husband with boldness and faith he prayed with me and anointed me with oil. I even asked God what He wanted me to learn in this experience. A blessing in this moment was that by mid-April I began working from home, thank God, I could be in the comfort of my own home and deal with my brokenness. (For those of you working from home, midday shower's are really nice once and a while, right?)
Eventually I called the doctor and requested some sort of natural remedy to resolve this extremely long period. Ultimately, they suggested I start birth control to help regulate my hormones and ultimately my period. So somewhat reluctantly I began taking the pill in May 2019. Key word, reluctantly, but I did have hope that it would cause the bleeding to stop. Within 3 days, the bleeding ceased.
But this is not where the story ends. Every testimony has an opportunity to keep going because God's goodness never stops.
Now understand, my husband and I never wanted to prevent ourselves from the ability to have children through means of birth control. We are open to the blessings of God as he desires to grant us, and of course, as we see fit for our families circumstances. But for me to be on birth control at this time, just over 1 year being into our marriage, my fear was that this would only delay the process in which we wanted to begin before my body hit 30.
Once again, this is not where the story ends. Every testimony has an opportunity to keep going because God's goodness never stops.
I was required to take birth control for a total of 3 months to help regulate my period. Little did I know, additional hormones would increase feelings of anxiety and physical displays of anxious behaviour would follow. I would feel ill all the time, becoming sick to the stomach and constantly jittery. I would count the days of not feeling anxious or ill and thank God for sustaining me though another week. It was terrible, yet I am grateful for a God who never leaves me and a husband who didn't give up on me during this time. Once August 2019 hit, I decided that I was DONE with taking birth control - in hopes to feel better, less anxious - as I desired to be anxiety-free.
Even during this time between May and August 2019, I was sent a podcast from a friend which provided much insight. It's by Dr. Carolyn Leaf's podcast series "Cleaning up the Mental Mess", and the episode is called "How to unwire addiction and toxic habits from our brains, why focusing on "willpower" is ineffective and counterproductive + tips on how to help someone without enabling them (with Dr. Amy Johnson)." Yeah, it's a mouthful, but incredibly insightful. It spoke about how habits are developed, so when we feel a certain way we train our brains to respond in a certain matter to it - usually a negative or unhealthy response. However, we don't have to do what we've been trained ourselves to do. These habits have no power over us, and we can change by the power of the Holy Spirit to think and respond better in whatever situation we face.
After stopping the birth control, I was feeling less anxious within 2-3 weeks, and feeling better felt amazing! The birth control did help regulate my period as well, which was the original intent and I'm glad for it.
It was in October when my husband and I starting discussing the possibilities of starting a family. He even prayed that God would open my womb, as Isaac did for Rebekah in Genesis 25:21.
We're going to jump ahead now to week 12 of our pregnancy journey. I had an amazing first trimester, didn't feel sick at all, I actually thought sometimes "am I really pregnant?" I even requested blood work to be done to see if I was pregnant, the doctor called me early one Sunday morning and said "we got the results of your blood work and you are highly pregnant!"
Week 12 and 5 days... it's 7:30pm and I feel like I'm cramping. I experienced a moderately heavy flow of blood suddenly, and was uncertain of what might be going on inside my womb. We didn't know what to do other than pray. This was the journal entry I wrote on January 23, 2021 at 10:30pm:
Lord, I come before You, concerned about the bleeding I have experienced this evening. I said earlier this evening that I trust You and how things are currently working out well and they "just make sense". Lord, today I read that You have plans for me, to prosper and not to harm me, to give me a hope and a future. I'm asking, Lord, that You would hold me in your arms at this time. You've blessed Garvin and I with this baby - a start of a family. I trust that You will work all things out for our good. Please heal my body and keep this baby safe. Prepare us God, we really need You. Your Word says in Psalm 29:11, "The Lord give His people strength; The Lord blesses His people with peace." And Lord, your Word also says in Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him." Father, I thank You for Your Word and promises. I receive Your strength and peace and I thank you for this precious gift you've blessed Garvin and I with. All glory goes to You. In Jesus' name, amen."
Once again, this is not where the story ends. Every testimony has an opportunity to keep going because God's goodness never stops.
Week 13, my husband and I went to get an emergency ultrasound done to see what could have occurred. The heartbeat was strong, thank God, but from what we saw in ultrasound week 12 the baby looked like it was only in a peanut shell half the amount we saw one week prior. Doctor thought the amniotic fluid may have been depleted around the baby due to the bleeding I had experienced two days prior. Ultimately, I was put on bed rest, unable to work, or even prepare a meal for myself.
Bed rest is hard. Laying down all day, not being able to get up and do whatever you want is taxing on the mind. There is a temptation while on bed rest to feel useless, but I knew that this was just a lie since this season is only for a time.
Week 14, we had a follow-up ultrasound to see the progression and status of our baby. The heartbeat was strong, thank God again! From the ultrasounds, it looked like a miracle to my husband and I, from almost half the amniotic fluid gone in week 13 to it looking pretty much restored in week 14 - we were ecstatic! After 2 full weeks of bed rest were complete, I met with a gynecologist and she cleared me to return to work, and even to exercise by walking for 30 minutes a day. Praise the Lord!
Now the story is continuing, day after day, but I just wanted to take some time to share some of the journey up until this point. We are grateful to God for all the good He has done in our lives, and in the moments when it doesn't make much sense, we trust that He will see us through. After all, even in this He allowed me to be pregnant before I turned 30 years old. God bless!
