New Mom Thoughts - Part 2

"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows." - John 16:33b NLT

There are moments when we feel like we've missed the mark, or when we believe we are not good enough, or feel inadequate because we can't change the reality of a circumstances we are presented with.

I've heard so many people say "breastmilk is best for baby". There seems to be a general assumption that every mom is able to breastfeed their baby successfully, on demand, as needed, every day... but let me tell you, there is so much pressure put on moms.

My desire was to breastfeed our baby fully... when the doctor who delivered our baby asked me "breastmilk or formula?", I responded "I would like to breastfeed him". His response was a foreshadow of the difficulties to come; he simply mentioned that the lady who was measuring our newborn did both breastmilk and formula. I should have better prepared my heart to the idea that I might not be able to successfully breastfeed Raphael to contentment. 

And ultimately, I haven't been able to breastfeed him directly at all. 

On day 5 of Raphael's life, I attended a breastfeeding clinic, in which I was made to feel inadequate because baby wasn't latching onto me correctly. During that visit he also hit a new decibel in crying and I was so sad that I couldn't provide him with what he needed. I even made lactation cookies, purchased fenugreek/blessed thistle pills, and tried some strategies the lactation consultants mentioned. On day 10 I returned to the clinic, had a much better experience, but even though my breastfeeding goals were far from being reached, I left with more peace in my heart because I came to the understanding that "fed is best". 

I was having a discussion over social media with a friend who just gave birth to her second baby, and when the topic of breastfeeding came up she had the heart and wisdom to tell me that "whether your baby is having breastmilk or formula, "fed is best"." This spoke volumes to me, as a new mom herself, she had come to the understanding that as primary caregiver to our children, we need to ensure they are fed. If it doesn't come directly from us, it needs to come from somewhere, and formula these days is way more advanced than years ago. The bottles even say "our closest formula to breastmilk" so that's encouraging, too.   

In between the breastfeeding clinics, we had an appointment with the family doctor, and he also encouraged me to be confident and content to feed Raphael formula. The doctor is the one who said "we put so much pressure on moms, and when moms are stressed, the milk has more difficulty flowing. Plus formula is really close to breastmilk now, so baby will be getting what he needs". As simple as it seems, I left refreshed with this new revelation that there is nothing wrong with feeding our baby formula.

My parents reminded me that I was a formula-fed baby myself! So I needed to lay off my feeling of failure for being unable to breastfeed my baby this time around. The effort made on my part was worth the time and effort, although it has been a frustrating and saddening struggle for me - the positive aspect is that I have been able to pump some breastmilk for Raphael and provide it to him within his formula feedings. It may not seem like much, but I keep telling myself "every drop counts", and I am coming to the contentment in knowing that at least I tried.  

~~~

Something I have come to realize is how incredibly forgiving babies are. Earlier this week I slept through Raphael's 1 AM / 2 AM feeding, twice. Yes, two nights in a row I missed the cry of our baby when he was hungry in the dead of night. I felt like a total failure. Not only have I been unable to breastfeed, now, I completely missed a nightly feeding, twice! 

Thankfully my husband, and my parents, heard him and went to his aid. However, my heart sank so deep when my loved ones notified me... the next morning I cried and cried... thank God for His grace and for the simplicities of a babies demands. One moment they will be crying out in discomfort or hunger, and upon helping them meet their needs, they will be either sound asleep or gently cooing in satisfaction. 

Regardless of my feelings in the moments mentioned above, I'm grateful to know that God's grace is sufficient for me all aspects of life, and that He is my reliable source of strength and peace. When I am tired, unable to breastfeed, or uncertain of how to help Raphael in a moment of crying - I can call on God for wisdom and grace, and He'll grant them to me. His Word says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9a NIV

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] - John 16:33 AMPC

New Mom Thoughts - Part 1

Can you believe it? I am officially a 2-week old mom. Our son, Raphael, was born to us on July 18, 2021 at 5:03 AM. He was two weeks and one day early. Today, August 2nd, would have been our due date of 40 weeks, but he decided to come early. Even so, I know his arrival was timed perfectly by God for my husband and I to receive him.

Raphael has been such a joy to our family and friends! There is a hymn called "Because He Lives" and my mom was sharing the lyrics with me of the first verse, it goes like this:

How sweet to hold a new born baby
And feel the pride and the joy that he gives
But greater still that calm assurance
We can face uncertain days because he [Jesus] lives

It is amazing to see how a little baby can bring such joy to those around them. We had a beautiful elderly woman come over who is 82 years old - she was dropping off a gift for us - and we asked her if she would like to hold Raphael. Because of the current "pandemic" in the world there was a little hesitation... but when my mom told her "he will only be 4-days old once" she quickly agreed and sat down to hold him. Later that day, this beautiful woman text messaged my mom (yes, she's the coolest!) and told her it has been over 10 years since she held a newborn and her heart was so full of joy! 

Raphael and I have been to quite a few appointments over the first 10 days of his arrival - I think 10 appointments in total! It can be really tiring as a new mom to meet the demands of a newborn baby, in addition to ensuring I, myself, am fed and taken care of as well. I don't know how single mom's do it, it is so hard. I am very grateful for my loved ones who have come and surrounded us with support in ensuring baby is fed and changed, as well as allowing me to sleep a little here and there to catch up.

The first 3 nights I was starting to see images, and I quickly surrendered my thoughts to God. I was very tired, but I know God never sleeps or slumbers, and that He is always with me. These strange images have disappeared since, thank God!

Regarding my emotions, I am still really sensitive, up and down sometimes, not sure how to explain what I am feeling or expecting - especially with my husband. But there is grace, on both parts, as we are both new parents and learning new things every day. I think as a woman who had a chance to carry the child, I had more time to mentally prepare for the arrival of our precious gift, but it may have been more of a shock to my husband since he hasn't felt all those physical changes and kicks prior to Raphael being out of the womb.  

Raphael's name means "healed by God" in Hebrew. We truly believe God has given us this name for him, as we had the scare/bleed out in week 13 of the pregnancy, and have been to so many ultrasounds and now doctors appointments for his horseshoe kidney. As hard and emotionally challenging this process has been, I am grateful for the team of doctors who have come to support us in this process with confirming that everything is okay with Raphael. And it is okay! Thank God again, He truly is our healer!

I was listening to a few YouTube videos on encouragement for new moms just yesterday. In one of them the following verses were shared: 

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. - Titus 2:3-5 ESV

Ultimately these verses indicate four main things that are required of women who are married and have children:

1) Love their husband and children

2) Live sensible, self-controlled and pure lives

3) Take care of their homes

4) Be kind and submissive to their husbands

Seems pretty straightforward, and I'm praying God will help me to fulfil what is required of me as a wife and mom. The word of God really does have a verse for everything!

Going back to the lyrics of Because He Lives - Jesus is so much greater than any situation we may face. He's even greater than the personality of our spouse, child or our own self! There is so much hope in knowing that I serve a God who I can trust with all the details of my life.

This was the verse that I read over and over again during labour:

The Lord is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise him. 

- Psalm 28:7 NIV

~~~

These are just some of the thoughts I've had and dealt with over the past 2 weeks of our newborns life. I'm hoping to write more often again while the baby is sleeping - because for me, writing is a form of rest.

Blessings