Identity Crisis

It's shocking how life seems to slip by so fast, especially during the warmer seasons. I meant to post this blog the day after it happened, which was supposed to be August 8th... 20 days later...

So I attended a church service at LPC on August 7th, 2017. LPC stands for Lakeshore Pentecostal Camp - it's in Cobourg, Ontario. As a teenager, I had the privilege to attend youth camp on a yearly basis till the age of 18. Youth camp was amazing - a week long of non-stop fun, a little bit of drama and a whole lot of church. It has definitely left a lasting impact on my life and many others. I'm also thankful for the work God is continuing to do there at LPC.

Now, this particular sermon on August 7th was brought to us by a gentleman named Paul Fraser (I think). And he spoke on the topic of identity. 

Identity, for me, has been a constant learning process of truly knowing who and whose I am. Over the last 4 years alone, I went through at least two major valleys of having "lost" myself: 

1. Once it was because I thought I wasn't accepted for who I was by the people around me, or just the people I so desperately wanted to be accepted by - my "friends" as some would call them. (But this is more about our need for approval and choosing our friends wisely and ultimately knowing our worth regardless of what others say/suggest/think. We might touch on this topic in another blog one day.)
2. Another season of losing myself was when I felt as though I needed to change the way I acted and responded to certain things to fit the role I filled at work... after months of suppressing my natural emotions and responses I woke up one day and asked myself, "Okay, what's happened? How did I get here? And, Where has Amanda gone?" aka, WHO AM I?!

But going back to LPC, Paul Fraser started his sermon off by saying: "This week is not about you, it's about all the people around you - your sphere of influence. This week is shaping and transforming you, for all of them." But isn't it always? We don't consider the fact that everything we go through is not really for ourselves, it's for the people we are going to encounter. Sure, we learn from the events of life, and have an opportunity to grow in the difficult moments, but in the long run what we go through is for the benefit of others.

For Paul Fraser it all started with a question: "Who am I?" He said he had asked himself some serious questions about his identity; what he really thinks and what he really wants. He then began to speak about, what I believe is a perfect summary of, the marks of identity crisis. 

You become a victim of identity crisis when...

1. You start to define yourself by what you do.

• We shift who we are - and base it on what we are doing... Satan likes to come and confuse us, saying if you "do" something, you will "be" it. 
• You will lose yourself when you think you are only what you do - what happens when you fail at those things? 
• Then you move from a place of affirmation (approval) to rejection. Rejection causes us to fear when we let it overwhelm us. 
• Jesus created us first as a human BEing, then he allowed us to "do"; in that particular order. 
• A good prayer: I am loved and I am accepted by God. ... if you look for this outside of God, you will be exhausted.

2. You become defined by what you have. 

• Check your "want: level, it can quickly turn into "neeeeed"... but is it really necessary? 
• When you wrap your identity in what you have, it's only temporary. So when the items/material things are gone... so goes your identity and the cycle starts all over again. 
• When you have God, you don't "neeeeeed" anything else.  

So sometimes we lose ourselves in what we do or what we have. But the question of "who am I" is incomplete because it only makes us look within ourselves. Rather, we should be asking "WHOSE am I?", as it leads us to look outside ourselves. And there's only One who knows why we were created, only One who knows our purpose, only One who knows our fulfillment is - God Himself. 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. 

And it is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 

not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 

For we are his [God's] workmanship, 

created in Christ Jesus for good works, 

which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:8-10 ESV

You are God's masterpiece. He knows why you were created; your true identity. Paul titled his message "Ask the Artist". So when in doubt, simply ask.

And this concludes what I learned about at LPC on August 7th, 2017. 

What's In Your Heart?

Above all else, guard your heart,

for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:23 NIV

Another translation, or older edition of NIV, for the second-half of this verse once said, "for it is the wellspring of life". According to the famous google search engine, a wellspring is defined as an original and bountiful source of something. So in this case, our heart is a original and bountiful source of life. And this proverbs wisdom is advising us to guard it.

Our physical hearts are, first of all, absolutely amazing. This cardiac muscle works diligently night and day to pump blood to the ends of our fingers and toes, as well as all of our organs - and it doesn't require a 'thank you', 'keep up the good work' or pat on the back to keep doing what it was designed to do. But our hearts are also squishy, and without the proper protection it can be easily damaged.

I've never personally touched a heart - it's not something on my bucket list either - but having watched TV shows and movies with the representation open heart surgery... And by the looks of it, a heart on its own wouldn't be able to withstand a punch, jab or kick. Perhaps this is why God surrounded it with our rib cage, because it needs the protection it couldn't provide for itself.

But we have to guard our hearts on levels beyond the physical. This morning I was texting a girlfriend, mi amiga, about Proverbs 4:23, and I was able to share with her that,

"I was reading another devotional this morning, and it talked about "what's in your heart?" Because sometimes we do things and our hearts aren't even in it to do whatever it is [we're doing]... and that's not a good thing. Because if we do things and do not have love, what good is that? (See 1 Corinthians 13:1-3) Or if we mean for someone to eat [our food] and enjoy but our hearts aren't in agreement, would that not make us a liar? (See Proverbs 23:7)"

Her response was sweet: "yes so true tell me more". And I continued and had mentioned, "That was pretty much the gist of what I took from it." But I took a second to think, what really is in my heart? Because I know I've let some thoughts and habits in which aren't truly reflecting Christ in me. I continued the text saying, 

"We just gotta take time to examine our hearts, ask God to show us what we need to change and allow the Holy Spirit to give us the grace and wisdom we need to work towards being true. True to ourselves/true to our hearts... true to reflect our transformed hearts as they are to reflect Christ."

Once again, her response was sweet and simple: "amen! I love it."

We usually associate our heart with love, after all, we have been designed and wired for love. So I'm asking myself, and you dear reader, "what's really in your heart?" This isn't a take-two-minutes-circle-the-best-answer-and-move-on-to-the-next-question type question. This may take some time. And as beautiful and complex as a heart may be, I'm going to invite God in to examine mine. Some things just haven't been lining up like I thought they should. But I'm going to trust God to see me through this continual growing and renewing and transforming process.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. 

Trust in God, and trust also in me [Jesus].

John 14:1 NLT

And do not be conformed to [the pattern of] this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, 

that you may prove [test that which is the] 

good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:2 NKJV

Faithful

It's mid-week, and it has been a very quiet afternoon to say the least. I've had the privilege to spend a lot of time with a lot of friends and family the past week and a half. But right now, in the quiet, my thoughts start to wander - I know I should be resting, but yet I'm seeking constant human companionship. I've honestly been stuck on what to write about the past two week, but I believe I may have became too busy and was missing God in the simplicity of resting.

But sometimes I get caught up in the feeling of being 'alone', although I know I'm never really alone. So to "fill" my time on this quiet afternoon, I decided to listen to some music on YouTube. I didn't have to search for the song because it was one of the suggestions under "recommended" (I love it when YouTube makes accurate recommendations!). The song that caught my eye is called "Yes and Amen" by Bethel Worship - check it out here. The lyrics for the bridge and chorus are as follows:

I will rest in your promises

My confidence is your faithfulness

Faithful You are

Faithful forever, You will be

Faithful You are

All Your promises are yes and amen

As I listen to this song of worship, I reflect on God's constant faithfulness towards me. This goes beyond His faithfulness to see me through the happenings of "back then and now"; although I've made so many mistakes, so many stubborn decisions, and gotten myself into messes... God's faithfulness towards you and me goes back to the very beginning. In God's desire to make man and partner with him to oversee all that God had created:

Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living things that moves on earth."

Genesis 1:26-28 NJKV

And every moment that followed: from the fall of man to God's amazingly unbeatable redemption plan; God has been, is, and will forever be faithful. I am reminded of how He has been ever so willing to meet me halfway, even more than halfway because He's in constant pursuit of my heart. He has been ever so present in, both, the joyous and difficult moments. He's always seen me through. And I know going forward He will continue to do so! So as often as needed I return to His Word to remind myself of His promises; of His goodness and faithfulness; as a constant reminder of Who my God is and His love towards me.

Isaiah 55:10-11 NKJV

For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, 

And do not return there,

But water the earth,

And make it bring forth and bud,

That it may give food to the sower,

And bread to the eater,

So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;

It shall not return to Me void,

But it shall accomplish what I please,

And it shall prosper in the thing of which I sent it.

2 Corinthians 4:17-18 NKJV

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 1:20 NKJV
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

~~~

For further study check out this list of the promises of God, 

I have listed them here too:

Exodus 14:14; 20:12

Deuteronomy 31:8

Joshua 1:9

2 Chronicles 7:14

Psalm 9:9-10; 18:3; 23:4; 27:1; 34:17; 37:4; 50:15; 86:5; 103:2-5; 107:13-16

Proverbs 3:5-6; 13:11; 22:6

Isaiah 40:29, 31; 41:10, 13; 43:2; 54:10, 17; 58:6; 61:1

Jeremiah 29:11

Malachi 3:10

Matthew 6:31-33; 7:9-11

Mark 11:24

Luke 11:9-13

John 3:16, 36; 8:36; 14:13-16

Romans 8:28;10:9-10

Ephesians 3:16-19

Philippians 4:6-7; 4:19

James 1:5; 4:7; 5:14-15

1 John 1:9

Revelation 3:5

And these are just a few :)