Forgiveness VS Reconciliation

Last Friday, April 21, I attended a service where the speaker was speaking on "dealing with past hurts". He made a point to explain the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.
He said, "Forgiveness is a decisions of their own will. Reconciling needs both sides, forgiveness can be one sided." (He then read from Romans 12:17-21 which states vengeance is the Lord's! But that's another topic for another time.)

Then this past Thursday as I was waiting for my grandma to have an x-ray and ultrasound done, I was reading a section of the book "Boundaries: when to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

And it just so happened that the subtopic on page 257 was on forgiveness and reconciliation. It states "The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) we always need to forgive, but (2) we do not always achieve reconciliation."

Often, I would only think about this topic in relation to someone who has wronged me which would require me to forgive. I'm learning that "forgiveness is something we do in our hearts... and it is a work of grace in my heart." (Cloud and Townsend, 257). And to reconcile a relationship, if this is the best direction to go, requires the ability to continue on in a friendship even after a fall out has happened. And how this reconciliation works is through intentional and potentially awkward conversations...

Having been a Christ-follower since a young age, I've always thought that forgiveness through what Jesus did on the cross was just standard, common knowledge... That, the only way we can be reconciled in our relationship with God is through going to Him and asking for the forgiveness, repenting from our sins and accepting Christ as Lord. This is true, but here's the thing:

God has already forgiven the world, 

but that doesn't mean all are reconciled to him 

(Cloud and Townsend, 257).  

It's our choice to respond to this forgiveness by believing in His Son, repenting of our sins, accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour of our lives, and confessing this belief. And of course, leading a life thereafter which shows this acceptance, because true repentance leads to change. In doing so we are saying, "God, I want to be a part of what this great relationship with you... I accept"... hence, reconciliation.

It also makes me think about the love God has for us. Yes He is God, but if He hadn't forgiven us His love wouldn't be as strong. We can't hold a grudge AND love somebody. When we truly forgive someone we are able to love them, even if we don't have the reconciled relationship with them.

Overall the takeaways I would love for you to get from post are:

1. Forgiveness only requires one side. Even if the other person never apologizes or asks you for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a work of grace in your heart. It will increase your ability to love.
2. Reconciliation requires both sides. Which requires true repentance, leading to change in direction of previous actions, so that the relationship can be restored and move forward together.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, 

forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:32‬ ‭ESV‬‬