~~~
Had you asked me a year ago on August 21, 2017, "where do you see yourself in one year?", my answer would not have included being engaged to the young man I love and will one day marry. We've only been dating for the past ten months. Besides the many other events and milestones this past year, of new jobs and job promotions, the passing of my beloved grandma, the accommodating a mom and her two daughters in our basement for a few months, and the purchase of a new condo... this is a moment that needs to be cherished.
My desire, along with my soon-to-be husband, is to only be engaged to one person, and only one time while on this planet. And I said yes, as much as he has chosen me, I have made the decision to choose him, too. So I am certain we are both in this to win it.
~~~
A year ago I was single, uncertain of what I wanted or who I wanted to be with. God changed that, it wasn't easy to give up the familiarity of toxic cycles and relationships, even though we are creatures of habit. I was in a friendship, that was not a healthy relationship; I was never certain if I was doing the right thing, or going to be shown love back in return. It sucked.
Until, one day, I became so fed up with how I was being treated and the way I had been responding, that I knew something needed to change. I consulted my mentor for direction and advice. I realized there was a young man who really did love me. He loved me so much to pray for me, constantly, and he was asking God to change my heart toward him. And God did. I wasn't about to stay another minute in the toxic situation I had subjected myself to, and decided to make the cut to pursue a relationship with someone who really did care about me.
Until, one day, I became so fed up with how I was being treated and the way I had been responding, that I knew something needed to change. I consulted my mentor for direction and advice. I realized there was a young man who really did love me. He loved me so much to pray for me, constantly, and he was asking God to change my heart toward him. And God did. I wasn't about to stay another minute in the toxic situation I had subjected myself to, and decided to make the cut to pursue a relationship with someone who really did care about me.
At that time I knew my betrothed and we had some very rough patches, but for the most part we had become very good friends with in the previous year. Actually, I considered him one of my best friends, because we were in constant conversation.
They say, "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you it was meant to be." But in The Word of God, Jesus said, "'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (See Mark 10:7-9 ESV)
~~~
When I first saw my fiancé, I was at church outside in the lobby, I looked passed the opened doors to the sanctuary, and he was inside getting up from his seat and walking towards the lobby area. My spirit bubbled up deep inside me, as if to say "you need to get to know this man", and I was like, "but Lord, I said I was going to wait a year before I start to 'get to know' any potential man-to-be-husband again". I bet you're expecting me to say, he came to the lobby and we spoke and ended up talking for hours and hours afterwards... but that's not the case.
I actually determined I would not go up to him, or strike up a conversation with him (or ask for his number directly) until he showed interest in me first. Too many times before, I found myself pursuing the attention of a man, and this is not how the Lord intended for women to operate. So I waited, not really thinking about the potential of being in relationship with him.
At a later time, or it could have been earlier, he said he saw me from a distance, and told me that he felt his spirit was drawn towards me. He said he asked the Lord if I was to be his wife, and felt a gentle "yes". Let me tell you, he didn't come up to me that day either (lol).
It wasn't until I was volunteering to help hand out flyers for one of our major summer events at church, in August 2016. A list had been passed around for people to sign up to help out. When it was passed back to me and I saw his name and number written, I said to myself "yesss, I got his number!". As previously mentioned, I have usually been the one to initiate a conversation because I am so outgoing and bold. But I felt that I needed to wait to begin conversation with him, as I had secretly hoped that he would walk up to me and start one himself. I ended up texting him (and of course the other people who signed up) and ever since then we engaged in many hours of in-depth and meaningful texting conversations.
~~~
Fast-forward about two months, at another special event, my fiancé and I connected. From then we began our dating journey. Let me be real with you, a lot of our fleshly habits came out within the first two weeks of dating. But I would always end up in tears, something in my spirit was saying, "this is not how it's supposed to be. We are not glorifying God in this relationship." He felt the same way.
Kids, if you want to be successful in relationship, establish healthy boundaries:
~~~
When I first saw my fiancé, I was at church outside in the lobby, I looked passed the opened doors to the sanctuary, and he was inside getting up from his seat and walking towards the lobby area. My spirit bubbled up deep inside me, as if to say "you need to get to know this man", and I was like, "but Lord, I said I was going to wait a year before I start to 'get to know' any potential man-to-be-husband again". I bet you're expecting me to say, he came to the lobby and we spoke and ended up talking for hours and hours afterwards... but that's not the case.
I actually determined I would not go up to him, or strike up a conversation with him (or ask for his number directly) until he showed interest in me first. Too many times before, I found myself pursuing the attention of a man, and this is not how the Lord intended for women to operate. So I waited, not really thinking about the potential of being in relationship with him.
At a later time, or it could have been earlier, he said he saw me from a distance, and told me that he felt his spirit was drawn towards me. He said he asked the Lord if I was to be his wife, and felt a gentle "yes". Let me tell you, he didn't come up to me that day either (lol).
It wasn't until I was volunteering to help hand out flyers for one of our major summer events at church, in August 2016. A list had been passed around for people to sign up to help out. When it was passed back to me and I saw his name and number written, I said to myself "yesss, I got his number!". As previously mentioned, I have usually been the one to initiate a conversation because I am so outgoing and bold. But I felt that I needed to wait to begin conversation with him, as I had secretly hoped that he would walk up to me and start one himself. I ended up texting him (and of course the other people who signed up) and ever since then we engaged in many hours of in-depth and meaningful texting conversations.
~~~
Fast-forward about two months, at another special event, my fiancé and I connected. From then we began our dating journey. Let me be real with you, a lot of our fleshly habits came out within the first two weeks of dating. But I would always end up in tears, something in my spirit was saying, "this is not how it's supposed to be. We are not glorifying God in this relationship." He felt the same way.
Kids, if you want to be successful in relationship, establish healthy boundaries:
- Time boundaries; be back at your own homes by a certain time, not being out too late
- Physical boundaries; purity as God intended, some things should be left for marriage
- Conversational boundaries; no heavy intense discussions after a certain time (I'm still working on implementing this...)
There are many more factors to a successful relationship. We do our best to remember to give each other grace, because we know that not everyone has it all together; love each other, faults and all; and, realize that you cannot change anyone but yourself - and even so, we can only change with the help of the Holy Spirit.
~~~
The above portions of this blog were written on November 11, 2018.
Today, December 6, 2021, my husband and I are 2 years and 7 months married, and we have been blessed with one absolutely precious gift, a son. There have been many beautiful moments and some challenging ones as with any relationship, but God is good and faithful. He is the divine orchestrator and we put our trust in Him. Be blessed.
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